A new year, a new crop of new years resolutions to break by the end of the month.  January is a busy time at the fitness center I go to as people realize once again that yes, if they want to live longer, they’ll need to eat right, stop smoking, drink moderately or not at all, and exercise.  Thankfully, sex is considered good cardio, or else the population would all drop dead of a heart attack by 40.  Still, the first of the year has wall to wall people on the machines, with more waiting in the sidelines.  Except Fridays.  That’s local payday and sports night so I can go earlier and still have the place to myself.

Within one week, 80% of the influx was there.  Last Wednesday, we were down to slightly above normal.  Next month, if we continue this trend, we will have negative people trying to gain weight on the machines.  Still, that’s not the point to me writing…

We have our first grunter.  You know the type…over-sized arms, has to issue a noise every-time they do something as strenuous as tying their shoelaces, focused so much on developing muscles they get winded on short flights of stairs, there to be looked at.  Which is ironic, since most of my fellow energy burners are older then me by a decade or 6.  I surmise the grunt is a mating call of some sort.  It was our first, though, so I took the time to see what was up.

The red weights were up.  Every time.  Nothing less would do.  Lift, grunt, drop.  Not lower gently, these babies were so heavy they required the floor to be additionally padded and supported as no mere muscles could stop them from rejoining the ground.  Lift, grunt, drop.  3 sets of 6, with a 5 minute wait between each set.  On to the next machine.  Pull, grunt, drop.

And then, this bastion of mortal testosterone left.  I could never hope to live up to his physical abilities, let alone his auditory.

Except…last night, I decided to see just how much he was lifting.  The red weights?  45 lbs.  One on each side, plus the bar is 135.  For comparison, skinny little weak me with my spaghetti arms can only use the 40 lb weights, for a total of 125.  I do 3 sets of 12 with 1 minute between, no grunting or dropping.  Obviously I’m doing something wrong, as I am about to move up to the 45’s, and STILL don’t grunt with effort.  I might have to see a doctor about my inability to sound off!  I might NEVER get a shallow barby doll menatlity girlfriend!

Or perhaps, next time he comes in, I’ll just offer his some fiber.