I am, of course, paraphrasing from several news articles.  I think it went a little something like this:

Bsl-Boy Scout Leader

BSA-Boy Scout of America

LBG-Local Boy Scout Groups

SC-Supreme Court

LG-Local Government

BSL-Know what?  We’re gay.

BSA-Know what?  You’re out of here.

LBG-What about the kids?!?

BSA-Know what?  If they’re gay, they’re out too.

BSL-We’ll sue!

SC-Can’t.  They are a private group.  They have the right to discriminate.

BSA-Yeah!  So suck it!

BSL-Did they just say…

SC-Let it go…trust me.

LBG-S’ok.  We’ll still let gays in as leaders and as scouts.

BSA-Nuhn uhn!  You have to do what we say.

SC-Afraid so.  Private organization, and all that.  Right to discriminate.

LBG-But what about the kids?!?

BSA-Right to discriminate!  So nyah!

LG-Hi, Boy Scouts of America Council?  Hey, we’ve been watching this.  We’re your local government.  We supply you with land for your headquarters?

BSA-Hey, hi!  Did you know we can discriminate?  And we do!

LG-Yeah, about that.  We’re a GOVERNMENT.  We’re not allowed to discriminate, nor support any group that does.

BSA-Where are you going with this?

LG-At present, we supply you with land valued at $200,000 a year in rent.  We charge you $1 a year.  Due to your discrimination, we are no longer permitted to do this.  You owe us $199,999.  Failure to pay will result in the eviction of your headquarters.

BSA-But what about the children?!?

Ironically, I was telling this story to some of my co-workers.  Yes, I AM working on getting sent to sensitivity training again…why do you ask?  Anyways, one of my minions, an older man, said that he would gladly donate to the fund to pay for the rent.  He said he would do it only because they discriminate against gays.  Apparently, he doesn’t like them because…wait for it…it is too easy for them in relationships.  They don’t have to prove themselves to their partner.

I wish to pete he was putting me on…

Ka-Pow! That was the general idea anyway…turned out to be more like Ka-Miss. For several years now I have been trying to adapt to city living whereas pest control is concerned. Life used to be good…grab the shotgun and go for it! But, alas, now I would end up in jail for doing a small “community service” of reducing the neighborhood rabbit and squirrel population.

I had switched over to an air pistol when I first moved back into the city. It seemed like it would be just the ticket but I neglected to account for my recent transition to bifocals and the marksmanship just isn’t there anymore. Eventually. I just sold the silly thing and have been reduced to glaring at the pesky critters which hasn’t been particularly effective. I had this vague recollection of being pretty good with a slingshot in my younger days so I snooped around and discovered that they are still available and have actually advanced a bit technology-wise. So I order up a “Wrist-Rocket” and some steel shot with high expectations.

Evidently, one’s expectations of “firepower” increases after serving time in the Army. The slingshot is really lacking in this respect. I suppose some practice might help with the accuracy but the range is just too limited. I am going to have to find some other solution.

Any ideas?